Day 1/365 – 2017: Keeping Hopes Alive

Last year, I restarted blogging on WordPress in a full fledged way. That time my enthusiasm was high not for blogging only, but also for life, for meeting various goals in my life. I wrote the first 65 days out of 366 days of 2016. I even started writing on 66th day, but I could not finish it, and it remained unpublished (you can see a screenshot of that below!) Then, though I was very unwilling, I stopped writing. Life literally happened to me! 

On March 13th I was appointed a lecturer of English Literature in a university. The university is almost 3 hours away from my home. So, I shifted to the nearby locality (Maynamati, Comilla – that is where the university is situated) with my only child leaving my husband alone in Dhaka. My mom joined with me to support me leaving her husband alone in Chittagong. So, we – two and a half woman – started our journey there. It was the nicest journey I have ever had in my life. I always knew I would be loving teaching as a profession, but I never knew I would be loving it this much. My students were simply awesome. And, how nice it was to meet so many different personalities in a day! I was teaching them, counseling them, interacting with them, correcting their mistakes, celebrating occasions together, and et cetera. For the first time, I realized how a teacher can be in charge of assisting the students in shaping their lives. In other words, teachers assist in shaping a nation. Oh! How a sacred duty is that of a teacher! So, starting my life as a teacher I felt blessed. I was in peace.  

That March of 2016 was full of blessings for me. While I was happy dealing my new life, and profession, another great news was waiting for me. Just two weeks after joining in the university, I came to know that I had conceived my second child. I was the happiest. Though the second pregnancy was very tough for me, but I handled it somehow. Now my second child, my son is on earth, and I have forgotten what pain I have gone through all this time.

Now, I am in Dhaka enjoying my motherhood, and maternity leave. But, for few days, I was feeling very uncomfortable with me! The fact that I could not meet some very very important targets of 2016 is pricking me all the time. I knew I had gone through some sudden big changes to keep myself in the track to meet my goals. Yet, I could have tried harder. Last night, on new year’s eve, this thought became scary for me. I was shuddered with utter fear, and hopelessness that I might not be able to fulfill my targets anymore. I have felt that I have lost my starting point! 

It is a shiny, cold morning today. It is the first day of 2017. Waking up I felt that if I am not courageous enough to deal with the leftover situations of 2016, I should not be a hopeless at least. And, that I did not want to lose my hopes worked like a magic! I am writing down again, and I am confident that I am starting my unfinished projects again right today. I know now that one should not abandon hopes in life. Life is dead if hopes are dead. So, keep your hopes alive. It is 2017, a new year – your new chance to live again. 

A very happy new year to all. Wish you, and the world peace and prosperity.

Day 1/365 – 2017: Keeping Hopes Alive

Day 19/366 : A Playwright

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I meet, and see so many people everyday. I see people I know, and I do not know. I see people crossing my car, standing on a queue for tickets, waiting outside the school to pick up their kids, I see vendors selling their things, labors working for building a house, agitated people fighting, and bullying on each other, and so on. I see my friends, and families, and acquaintances discussing over burning issues, making jokes, taking care of other people, and what not. I see people laughing, crying, envying, helping, dancing – in few words, I see them acting, and reacting. Shakespeare said:

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Really, I see people on stage playing their parts. Even, I am one of the players acting my roles.

On the stage of the life, the characters are the playwrights themselves. They build up their characters, and scenes in respective to the other characters, and scenes. For an example, I am a keen observer, and that is one of my roles. I observe, and analyze. In building my characters, I often keep in mind that what are the features of other characters I do not like. If I hate seeing someone being snooty, I always try to build my character of not being snooty. If I see someone helpful to other, I love to adopt that quality within my character. This is how we all the palyers build up our characters taking the life as a lesson.

In building our characters, we should not keep the attributes we do not like to see in others. If you do not like seeing other people wasting food, the first thing you have to do is to stop wasting food by yourself. Those who are only cynical, and critics of the others’ deeds, but they do the same thing in their lives, are very flop characterwise. So, if you want to be a successful character, and a successful playwright of your life, avoid the things you dislike on other character. Take life as a lesson.

Day 19/366 : A Playwright

Day 7/366 : Book = Life

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I pity me when I look at my bookshelf. So many books are waiting to be read. But, busyness in life is not allowing me enough time, and space to read my books. I can remember what an adamant book-worm I used to be that twice in my life my mom got compelled to hide two of my favorite books just because I got glued to those books, and was not studying at all. Though, my mom says the books are still with her, I have not found those two books yet – in fact, I do not search them anymore as I bought one of them for my daughter, and the other was presented to her by my mom. My daughter cannot read yet, but she loves her baba and mamma reading books to her. So, every night I read books to her till she has fallen into asleep. I never feel bore that she likes to listen same book, same story, sometimes even some particular lines again, and again. Rather, I feel peaceful, and accomplished.

Yet, my heart cries when I see many of my books are remained untouched. Not only that! Seeing my passion for books my hubby gifted me Kindle ebook reader very lovingly. Even, Kindle is lying unused in my drawer. So sad!

All my life, I wanted to be a girl with a book in hand. I wanted to be absorbed in book all day, and all night. But, when life happens, so many wishes, and dreams are forgotten, and so many other wishes, and dreams get clustered around life. I never mind. I really never mind. I consider life the best book on earth. I am absorbed in life, actually I am reading the pages of life, not only of my life, of so many lives, and it is so fascinating!

Still, I want to read some of the books from my shelf this year. Books offer lives. I want to embrace those lives from books again. Let me see which books I can read this year.

Ok. The very first book I want to read is Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. This is the first English novel that my dad presented to me long ago. Long ago means really long ago, like ten years back. I never understand how this book has gone completely out of my mind all these years. Hopefully, it will not be forgotten again. The novel is already a classic, but it is precious to me because my dad gave it to me. It would be really a sin if I delay reading it.

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The other two books I want to read is also my dad’s favorite book. One is the Bengali novel Madhukari by Buddhadeb Guha. And, the other is Dubliners, a novel written by James Joyce.

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Madhukari

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This year, I want to finish Orhan Pamuk’s The Museums of Innocence. This is the first book I bought after my marriage. I really want to finish the book before my anniversary this year! ;);)😍. 

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Oh, God! I am not able to finish my wish-list. Better, I start reading as soon as possible.

Before, when I was a book-worm, I did not started experiencing life the way I am experiencing now. Now, I am a matured lady. Hope, reading will be really mesmerizing this time as I have the chances to cross-reference my world with the world of the books.

I wish me happy-reading!

Day 7/366 : Book = Life

Life

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Life is like a crowd. A crowd waiting for the last piece of loaf. A piece of loaf for which so many hands are outstretched. You have risks of being trampled. Yet, you can’t get out of the crowd, whether you have already thrown out the thought of getting the loaf. You have to stay there, tolerate the constant pushing, and hitting from sides, tolerate the dripping sweat, stinky breath, because life which is like a crowd doesn’t give you enough room to get out of the mess. You have to adjust and fit in there, in some cases, you have to struggle to keep yourself safe … until the crowd disappears. And, Life never disappear. It just keeps falling on you.

Life

An Unintentional Sigh

I am a soul fighting to exist on earth. Exist in such a way so that I can be visible, and heard to others. Fed up of my nonexistence. Trying hard to prove that I exist. In this effort, losing my blogger self. To prevent a bigger nonexistence I am almost losing other existence I love. But, I am hopeful that as soon as I am winning this existence vs nonexistence battle, I will be bringing back my loving existence (however trifle it is!), my old me. That old me may not be visible, and heard by others, but so what? I heart it, I heart me as I am. And if I lose the battle, I do not know really what will be my next step. But let not lose the battle first!

emptiness

An Unintentional Sigh